Ryan Leslie - "Designer Pain" (Official Music Video)

Dear Rak,

I know you would like this song. I really, really miss sending you songs and vibing with you big bro. I love you and miss you dearly.

-Kiv

Eric Roberson - Pretty Girl

Dying Inside

Dear Rak,

I feel like I'm missing one of my organs. I'm almost positive that it's my heart. A human cannot function without all of their organs. I feel like I'm not even here on earth right now. I'm caught in a fog and I can't get out. Who am I supposed to tell all of my deepest, darkest secrets to? Who am I going to talk to about my accomplishments at work? You were so proud of me. The excitement in your voice was so genuine when I told you how I got picked out of 368 people for the position. Who am I supposed to talk to when I need advice? When I feel like nothing is right? How can I go on without hearing your calm, soothing voice telling me that everything is going to be alright and to stop stressing. You always told me to call you at anytime, no matter what. What am I supposed to do now? You always made time for me. ALWAYS. I've never felt a pain like this before in my whole life. and that's with all of the health issues, family losses, failed relationships and all. you could combine everything that I've been through since a child and it still wouldn't even scratch the surface when it comes to how I feel about losing you. I can't accept the fact that you're gone forever. It's not fair. Life is already short...now I have to live the rest of my life without you? I can't even see it. I'm so unbelievably heartbroken. I don't even know where to start to try to go on without you. You were the only one on earth that understood me. you were my support system. my inspiration. Now that you're gone...I feel like it's only a matter of time before I wither away from a broken heart.

Bail out

Dear Rak,

I remember when I first started driving my Pathfinder and I thought I was all that and wanted to drive to Queens to party with my friends one Saturday night. But....before I went I had to go to Tanger Outlets to get a pair of shoes. I rushed there to catch them like ten minutes before they closed and I ran out my car with it still running and locked myself out! You were the only one I could call. You were finally resting from your busy week at your apartment in Ridge and I called you to tell you what I did and not once did you sound the least bit annoyed. You drove to the house in Riverhead to get my spare key, drove to the outlets to unlock my car and STILL asked me if I was ok and needed anything. Then you calmly and lovingly went back home. You had nothing negative to say and gave me that beautiful smirk and kept it moving. You were always bailing me out of my crazy situations. LOL. I'm really going to miss that...